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My Presidential Election Prediction

I don't talk about politics much here on the Slope of Hope, but it's a topic I find of great interest. Since 2016 is a U.S. Presidential election year, we're going to be absolutely buried in news, debates, advertisements, attacks, counter-attacks, and hip-deep in B.S.

I think the result of the election is actually pretty straightforward, since its outcome is dependent on the state of the world around us. From my point of view:

Hillary Clinton will win the election if things more or less, kinda sorta stay the same. In other words, the status quo begets the status quo. It breaks my heart to say this, because as far as I can tell, all the women who are so crazy about her adhere to this viewpoint because of one and only one qualification: she doesn't have a dick (please refrain from offering up her husband as a counter-argument). Honestly. That's it. The whole "gender" thing is her main schtick (and she panders to this, yammering on about how she has more female contributors than anyone in history, as if that meant a goddamned thing). Hillary is pretty much universally disliked, even by her supporters, but she seems to be the default choice.

Bernie Sanders will win the election if the world enters another financial cataclysm like we did in late 2008 and if the blinkered American public is finally convinced that Hillary is the bought-and-paid-for whore of Wall Street. Bernie's kind of populism can only overcome America's misgivings about his liberalism if it becomes screamingly obvious that the sons of bitches at Goldman Sachs (and their ilk) are inherently evil, and that Hillary Clinton is right there with the whole despicable clan. I personally think Bernie is far and away the most moral candidate for President since Abraham Lincoln, and I fully support his call for much higher taxes, provided there is a special exemption for financial bloggers.

Donald Trump will win the Presidency if there is a major terrorist attack, particularly if it happens in the United States. Much is being made of the fact that Trump's rantings are being used for recruiting in the religion of peace, but the cold fact of the matter is that the terrorists are, perversely, Trump's best friend. If they pull off a big attack, it will scare the hell out of America, and our fellow countrymen will absolutely embrace Trump's philosophy of fear and xenophobia.

It's as simple as that. Status Quo means Hillary. Financial Mayhem means Bernie. Fear means Trump. The events above will determine the winner. You heard it here first.