California

The rattling of sabres grows ever louder. Military.com reports that the Air Force says an unarmed Minuteman 3 missile has been launched from California's central coast in the latest test of the intercontinental system.

The missile blasted off at 11:39 p.m. PDT Wednesday from Vandenberg Air Force Base northwest of Los Angeles.

The Air Force says the missile carried test re-entry vehicles that headed for a target area 4,200 miles away to the Kwajalein Atoll in the Marshall Islands in the Pacific Ocean.

President Donald Trump is secretly preparing to counter a sinister plot by China to occupy California as part of a massive Pearl Harbor type of attack.  With China wiping out a quarter of its world’s largest foreign-currency stockpile over the last 18 months, and taking over top 6 major Hollywood studios, Beijing have already positioned themselves to form an alliance with the Trump-hating liberal elite in order to advance their plans.

Professor Jonathan Malkisom from the University of California says that he has proof that aliens have lived on Earth for as long as humans have existed.  During a press conference held in 2000, Malkisom told reporters that aliens have lived among us as observers, disguised so that they blend in with other humans. According to the University of California professor, aliens adopted human appearance in order to study life on Earth without interruption. “It’s like an extreme version of the camouflage found in some insects and animals.

California’s Democratic Senate leader Pro Tem Kevin De Leon boasted that “half of his family” is residing in the United States illegally and not only that – he claims they are all in possession of falsified Social Security Cards, driver’s licenses and green cards.

In a narrative more befitting of kindergarten, and certainly not grown adults (politicans are exempt), one day after from Trump warned he would defund California if the state passed a bill to make itself a de facto "sanctuary state", saying the state was "out of control", furious state leaders have responded that, drumroll, they are not "out of control."