Europe

Things are increasingly upside down in the brave new centrally planned world: thanks to negative deposit rates central banks have put an explicit cost on saving, while in various instances, such as taking out a mortgage in Denmark and the Netherlands, the bank actually pays the borrower, thus rewarding living beyond one's means. Curiously, it was just a month ago when an offer was spotted in Germany offering a negative -1% rate on small consumer loans issued by Santander Bank.

Refugees and asylum seekers are being taught German tactics on how to approach and get acquainted with Fräuleins in Europe. Classes explaining “No means no,” with lessons in the best flirting techniques are being offered by a German education center with emphasis on hygiene and maintaining a cool approach. RT reports: “How do we speak to German women?” is the question sex therapist Christian Zech has to commonly deal with at the classes with migrants. Zech works with the Pro-Familia center, specializing in sexuality, partnership and family planning.

In a recent note, Eric Peters, CIO of One River Asset Management, summarizes everything that's been happening over the past few years in one tidy anecdote. Citing an unnamed CIO, he points out that the central bank was created to help its member banks, and it attempts to impact the real economy by using interest rates as a mechanism to control the attractiveness of lending money.

While everyone knew Q1 would be a terrible quarter for energy companies, it is turning out to be an absolute bloodbath for consumer-facing retail companies, and the latest example was "fashion accessory", but really watch company Fossil, which has cratered after hours after reporting not only a miss in EPS of $0.12 (Est.